Baliw Balita

BDay

noreply@blogger.com (baliwbalita) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 11:31:00 +0000

First, I would like to thank everyone who greeted me on my birthday. At least, I know how much I am loved. Also, I would just like to clarify that you do not need to change your religious beliefs to love me, but I would like to make it clear that the first person that I love is God who created me. And I have my faith and my principles. And these what makes me who I am.

Since today is my special day, some personalities decided to send feelers and messages. Senator Panfilo Lacson invited me to have lunch. According to Senator Lacson, he found new recipes on Google.com and he wanted me to try them. Unfortunately, I had to decline his invite because I wanted to visit the biggest crocodile captured in the Philippines and bring food. I heard the crocodile was having trouble adjusting to his new environment. I can't blame him. His space is cramped, there are steel bars, and the food sucks. But in time, I know Gen. Carlos Garcia will learn to love his new home and there's a big chance that his story will be published by Guinness Book of World Records.

On the road, I got a message from Christoper Lao and said "Wala, kasi tingnan mo o! Who will tell me? Who will tell me? Really! Did you even tell me na birthday mo? Why do you . . bakit ako? Di ba? Ha ha ha! Somebody inform, i-inform! I should have been informed! Yon lang Yon!" I replied back and said, "Ok. Fine! Next time I'll inform you."

After a few minutes, I received a phone call from Senator Miriam Santiago and greeted me a very happy birthday. I informed her that I saw her on TV recently and said, "Ang ganda mo." She replied back and said, "Sana ikaw rin."

I was about to make a quick stopover and I tried to find a decent parking space near the UP Technohub. I saw this hot luxury car and I knew it was a Porsche. But due to sheer excitement, I said "Putcha!" I almost got hit on the face with a sheet of paper.

Since I wanted to make my birthday memorable, I wanted to do an outreach service. I decided to go to the CBCP and ask if they can lend me a 4 x 4 sports utility vehicle. Unfortunately, I got turned down and asked to visit Manoling Morato instead for ambulances. When I tried calling Mr. Morato, he just laughed and asked if I was a comedian.

It has been a great and wonderful birthday. I continue to pray for happiness, blessings, laughter, and hopefully my lovelife will not be like a bottle of Coke Zero. Thank you to all who greeted and hope you'll do the same in years to come. By the way, if you were able to understand every single English word in this letter; then you are learned.

Salamat!

Mga Royal na Balita

noreply@blogger.com (baliwbalita) — Sun, 01 May 2011 15:56:00 +0000

Kinasal na si Prince William at Kate Middleton noong Abril 29, 2011 sa Westminister Abbey. Pero nagulat ang lahat nang bigla na lang tumayo si Fr. Jose Vernon "JV" Ilano habang homily at sinabi, “If there is anyone in the Mass here who are pro-RH bill…please, go out. It’s useless.”

Habang nagaganap ang royal wedding ni Prince William at Kate Middleton, hindi napgilan ng ilang kilalang Philippine personalities ang mag-tweet tungkol sa kasal. Paalala: hindi pa alam ng Baliw Balita dapat bang paniwalaan ang mga tweets.

Matinding iringan ang pinagdadaanan ng dating magkasintahan na si Aiko Melendez at Mayor Patrick Meneses matapos ipabasa ni Cristy Fermin ang mga tweets diumano ni Aiko Melendez at kaibigan nitong becky tungkol sa kuwestiyonableng kasarian. Nag-text daw sa unreliable naming parloristang correspondent si Mayor Meneses para linawin kung totoo ba ang pinaparatang ng ex-girlfriend niya. Ayon sa hindi pa ma-confirm kung si Mayor Meneses nga ang nag-text, "Hindi totoo na bading ako. Secure ako sa aking sexuality. Nakakalungkot na dapat matapos ng ganito ang aming relasyon ni Aiko. Nasampahan ko na ng kaso si Aiko at pakisabi na lang sa kanya na if she wants war, I’ll give her war. Sabihin lang niya kung saan at kailan. I’ll be there in my red stilettos."

Nag-resign na si Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez. Sinabayan ng resignation ang kasalang Prince William at Kate Middleton. Nabalitaan ng Baliw Balita na dumaan sa mga matitinding revisions ang resignation letter ng dating Ombudsman. Narito ang mga rejected unofficial opening resignation lines ni OMG:

I am officially resigning as Ombudsman...joke!
Mr. President, how is your lovelife?
I would like to make my resignation brief as I would like to go back as a private citizen and enjoy full coverage of the Royal Wedding.
First and foremost, I would like to apologize to Congresswoman Gloria Arroyo. I tried ma'am but the pressure is just too much. I am sorry.
Before I step down as Ombudsman, I would like to know if we can enter into a plea bargain agreement?

Happy Easter 2011

noreply@blogger.com (baliwbalita) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 17:17:00 +0000

Easter na naman! Siyempre hindi pahuhuli ang Baliw Balita sa mga maiinit na scoop ngayong Easter. Alamin kung paano nag-celebrate or nag-celebrate nga ba ng Easter ang mga controversial na political figures?

Easter ng CBCP:

Balak ipa-excommunicate ng CBCP ang Easter Bunny. Nalaman kasi ng CBCP na pro-RH bill ang Easter Bunny dahil mahilig daw itong magtago ng itlog.

Easter ni Mikey Arroyo:

Napbalitang kakasuhan daw ng Bureau of Internal Revenue si Mikey Arroyo matapos malamaman na hindi nag-declare ng tamang bilang ng easter eggs noong nakaraang taon ang naturang Congressman.

Easter ni Sen. Panfilo Lacson:

I-dedemonstrate ni Sen. Lacson ang iba’t-ibang paraan ng pagluluto ng itlog gamit ang mga recipes na natutunan from Google.com

Easter ni Marlene Aguilar:

Nagwawala habang pinabulaanan ni Marlene Aguilar na nagparty ang kanyang anak na si Jason Ivler kasama ang Easter Bunny sa Quezon City jail.

Easter ni Mr. and Mrs. Ligot:

Nakalimutan daw ng mag-asawang Ligot na Easter daw ngayon. Nang tanungin namin kung bakit nila nalimutan, they decided to invoke their right against self-incrimination.

Easter ni Mai Mislang:

Ayon sa aming chikadorang naka-Blackberry, nabasa niya ang mga tweets ni Mai Mislang. Ayon daw kay Mai Mislang: “walang poging easter bunny sa Vietnam!”

Easter ni Willie Revillame:

Nasa hot seat nananaman daw ngayon si Willie Revillame at gusto siyang pa-imbestigahan ng MTRCB at ng CHR. May kumakalat kasing YouTube video na pinasasayaw ni Willie ang Easter Bunny ng macho dance habang ito’y umiiyak.

Easter ni Mar Roxas:

Napabalitang pupunta ng Taiwan ang chief troubleshooter na si Mar Roxas para isalba ang relasyon ng Pilipinas ng Taiwan matapos ipadala ang 14 Taiwan eggs sa China.

Easter ni Presidente Noynoy Aquino

Ayon sa mga balita, ayaw daw magparticipate muna ni Presidente Noynoy sa mga egg hunting activities. Mas gugustuhin daw niya kung makaka-date niya ang isa mga Playboy Bunnies habang minamaneho ang kanyang Porsche.

Easter ni Merceditas Gutierrez

Napabalitang hindi raw mag-cecelebrate ng Easter si impeached Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez dahil mag-uumpisa pa lang ang kalbaryo niya sa Senado.

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On a more personal note:

Nag-umpisa ang Baliw Balita noong 2009 sa i.Ph. Ngayon 2011, lilipat ang Baliw Balita sa bago nitong tahanan sa Blogger.com. Ang dahilan ng paglipat ay sa dahilang napag-iiwanan ng teknolohiya ang lumang bahay ng blog na ito.

Nahihirapan lang ako i-migrate ang mga lumang post sa i.PH dito sa Blogger.com. Pwede niyo pa rin balikan ang mga dating post. Bisitahin lamang po ang http://baliwbalita.i.ph.